My academic background has focused on accounting and finance. After joining this course when our class received an assignment of reviewing a movie from and EI perspective, it was by far the most creative and interesting challenge that I have ever come across.
TEMPLE GRANDIN (Claire Danes), a young autistic woman, is extraordinarily gifted. She has a remarkable connection to animals and a brilliant mind. This biopic follows Temple from her late teens — as she struggles with both her own limitations and some narrow-mindedness in the communities around her — to her startling first accomplishments. With the help of a supportive family [Julia Ormond (mother) and Catherine O’Hara (Aunt)] and one progressive teacher (David Straitharn), Temple tackles misconceptions about her condition, the sexism of mid-20th century America, and the rigid, insensitive methods of the cattle industry.
In Emotional Intelligence, Social skills refer to the skills required to handle and influence other people’s emotions. The factors that form a part of social skills with regards to this movie are as follows:
1. Developing others
– With respect to helping Temple develop, her aunt and her professor from school (Prof. Carlock) actually understood her situation and accepted her for who she was. She was treated like a normal person. They helped her understand her potential. Prof. Carlock always reminded her that ‘every door leads to a new world’. This was stuck in her memory and it kept her going.
– Temple helped many by making people aware about her condition during the ‘National Autism Convention’ where she told everyone present there that she was “Different, not less”.
2. Inspirational Leadership
– The one person who was her inspiration was her Professor from school – Professor Carlock. He helped her understand her potential and she always confided in him. We could see how determined she was to take a stand against the inhumane treatment of cows. The movie also showed us how affected she was when Prof. Carlock passed away and because of this, she gave her mother a hug.
– Prof. Carlock has had a major influence and impact on Temple. He helped her through her years in school and helped her explore new possibilities. It is because of him that she decided to study Animal Husbandry.
– Unfortunately for Temple, communication was not her strongest point because of her Autism. She took her own time and space to connect with people. She hated to be present at a social gathering for the fear of being misunderstood.
5. Change Catalyst
– The change catalyst in her life was again her professor Mr. Carlock. He helped her by teaching things to her in a different way. Her Visual memory was very strong. So he taught her concepts with the help of pictures.
– Another change catalyst is the ‘Squeeze Machine’. Her connect to the cows in her aunt’s farm was so strong that when Temple had an anxiety attack, she would find comfort in the machine. She was so attached to it that she made a ‘Squeeze Machine’ that helped her. Not many understood her needs, but her blind room-mate accepted this weird request without any kind of hesitation or judgement.
– Temple was so frustrated by the way cows were being treated at the ranch that she came up with a concept called the “Dip Structure”. She believed that “Nature is cruel, but we don’t have to be…” This was another major change catalyst.
6. Conflict Management
– Things were not easy for Temple as she entered the real world. The “Squeeze Machine” was not something that was accepted in the beginning. When they refused to let her keep it, instead of throwing a fit, she started working on a research paper for the same. She let people experience the machine so she could get their inputs. Majority of the girls felt comfort in the machine. The research paper was then submitted and she finally had the permission to keep it in her room.
7. Building Bonds
– Bonding with people was a huge deal for temple since she hated social gatherings and interacting with people in general. She developed a special connection with her room-mate Alice when she understood Temple completely. The scene where Temple allows Alice to hold her arm was very special.
– During the funeral of Prof. Carlock, before she decides to leave, she gives her mother a hug. For a person who does not like to be touched, this was a very special moment for Eustacia.
8. Team Work:
– Teamwork is seen when the girls in her college are actually willing to try the Squeeze Machine. Even after she was accused of using the machine for her sexual pleasures.
OTHER AREAS OF EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE:
– From the movie, it is seen that Temple’s mother, Eustacia had a tough time dealing with Temple’s autism. But she was so strong. She refused to institutionalize her daughter because she believed that her daughter was a genius. Regardless of how her daughter was differently abled, she treated Temple like a normal child by providing her education. She refused to give up on her and stood by her during difficult times.
– Professor Carlock also had the same beliefs as Eustacia. He also treated Temple like a normal child. Since he realised that Temple had a photogenic memory, he taught her subjects differently and stood by her when the school staff made fun of her.
Self-Awareness and Empathy:
– When you’re self-aware, you become empathetic. Similarly, Prof. Carlock was empathetic towards Temple and Eustacia. He believed that Temple was a genius and did not want to give up on a gifted child.
– Similarly, Aunt Ann realised how much trouble Eustacia has to go through. She took care of Temple during the summer and gave her time to settle in. This shows how self-aware and empathetic Aunt Ann is.
1. Being self-aware of your emotions is so important when you have to take care of someone who has autism or any kind of disorder.
2. The spirit of ‘never giving up’ on someone you love is extremely necessary. It gives them assurance that they aren’t alone.
3. During the time of a crisis, being able to manage your feelings and emotions is the solution to any problem.
4. Empathy plays a very important role. It helps the other person gain perspective and can help accordingly.
Sanjana Iyer is a music enthusiast who aims to be a counselor one day. Her family is her anchor. She describes herself as a ‘movie buff’ and wishes to have a CD collection of all her favorite movies. The quote she lives by is – “If you never try, you’ll never know.” | Batch 2018-2020
In my quest to understand the universe, I started delving deep into the world of Metaphysics. The first step in understanding the cosmos is to comprehend the basic elements that it (universe) reinforces. This meant my primary goal was to understand human life. The more I read/researched on life, the more I realized that my knowledge was similar to the tip of an iceberg.
There was more to life than I could ever imagine. As I couldn’t resist my urge to know the remainder of the iceberg which is submerged in water, I enrolled myself for a master’s degree course in Emotional Intelligence and Life Coaching hosted by one of the leading universities in Mumbai called The Mumbai University. The prime goal of this course is to make the students get in touch with their real / natural self. So, the next time we look at ourselves in the mirror, we just don’t decry the reflection of our physical self but also our conscious persona. A few weeks into this course has made me discern the significance of Emotions in our lives. We are so conditioned to conduct ourselves in a particular pattern that we miss out on Acknowledging how we truly feel or our thoughts in general.
The first step in understanding myself is to start acknowledging everything that I feel or sense. I interact with multiple people on a day to day basis and what I discovered through all of this was that most of us don’t acknowledge our thoughts/feelings. Due to this, there’s a major rift within the person. In some cases, the person’s thoughts are not in line with each other which actually affects the social life of that person. Hence, it’s extremely important to acknowledge every aspect of our lives as it helps us be in touch with reality. Also helps us in building awareness about ourselves and the nature around us.
It struck to me that, I could never attain self-awareness unless the basic fundamental was perceived in the right manner. The basic fundamental in our lives are the emotions that we experience as well as the thoughts that come along with them. Without awareness of who I am or my existence, I can never attain my final objective of understanding the universe in its totality. Similar to the world that we live in, there’s a different one within us and it’s imperative to explore it. To travel inwards (look within one’s self) is something that we should all inculcate and practice. Through what I’ve experienced with acknowledging my thoughts and emotions, I can guarantee that the journey inwards is one of the most distinctive experience that you’ll ever have. Advancement in technology and science comes with a baggage of its own. Even if it helps to cover the gaps between people from different countries or help ease their lives, this also creates a void/space within us.
As everything turns into virtual reality, there’s one thing that unfortunately cannot which is our emotions. Because of us investing most of our time on the internet, the acknowledgment part which I mentioned earlier goes for a toss. This results in augmenting the hollowness within a person which later snowballs into something very serious.
Having said that, there’s no denying that we need technology to support our day to day lives but it should be prudently used. We should invest more time on ourselves because eventually, everything else falls into perspective if we exist. If we take our existence out from the entire picture, everything else would seem void.
With this, I wish to sum up my blog by sharing this one powerful question that was asked to my batch mates and me by one of our professors. The question was “Who are you?”. As simple as it sounds, it was one of the most difficult questions to answer. I knew that this was more than just my biological identity. Most of the students came up with unique answers. I’ll take this privilege of sharing mine. I answered, “I’m an unconscious being who’s added like a drop in this myriad ocean called the universe”.
Siddharth Bantval can be described as a Realist, Analytical Thinker, Sociable, Nature lover, multi-dimensional, psychologist. He has always been keen to understand various aspects of human life, right from biology to psychology and that is how he landed here. He carries balls of energy with him which he hands over to people for them slacken down and live in the present. He believes that he is here to add value and make a difference in people’s life. | Batch 2018-2020
American actor, producer and Academy Award winner Morgan Freeman, once said that
“The best way to guarantee a loss is to quit.”.
Over the years, there have been lots of books written on winning a race, winning at life and how to be a winner. Indeed, an area to be read and written about. We all strive to succeed, be famous and dwell in the pride that comes with all of that. The life of young leaders, winners and achievers inspires us and motivates us to be better every time. The very essence of winning is in the root of participating and we all must catch this rope at least once to experience the waves of success and even the not so successful one. There is no failure in my dictionary of participation! I am already a winning candidate if I participate. I love something. I work hard to achieve it. I am already a gainer!
Winners get medals and recognition for their winning spirit but participation gives us lots of learnings:
- It is motivational for all.
- It humbles us.
- It helps us to understand our mistakes /shortcomings and work on them.
- It ignites a deep sense of self-love, self-respect and self-worth.
Participation is beyond losing and winning.
Sweet high spirit song
Rum pump rum pump rum pump re,
Open your eyes to a bright day
I will make, bake a new cake
Because I love to participate
I may not know how it will be done
But no harm in taking my turn
Extra sugar cream and Ray
Will make my cake a little more grey
But when I become an elite in it
I can share my experience and bank on it
All that we learn in a day
My name is Rinkoo Belani – best described as a lifelong learner and a shy, sensitive person. A graduate in commerce from Mumbai University, I am a mother of two beautiful children with a superb, supportive life partner. The youngest of five siblings, with simple and loving parents, the sole purpose of my life is having a good family life, becoming a successful and creative writer and blogger and spread the message of love and compassion to those who are not so humane in the world.
A human relation is the skill or ability to work effectively through and with other people. It also includes a desire to understand a desire to understand others, their needs and weaknesses and their talents and abilities.
What does it take to create and maintain healthy relationships? Romantic, a father-daughter relationship; mother-son; friend-to-friend; Supervisor and Employee. There are a few widely popularized answers to this question: time, effort, dedication, honesty, effective communication. And while all these are right answers—certainly essential to a happy, healthy relationship of any kind—there’s another vital ingredient that many undervalue, forget, or simply don’t know realize the importance of. And that’s self-awareness. Get to know yourself better and your relationships will blossom beautifully.
Let’s look at a regular situation at a party.
Shruti, Karan, Rohit and Puja are good friends. They work together in the same company. Its Puja’s birthday and she has invited all of them in the evening for dinner. All decide to go for the party. Shruti has joined the organization only 3 months ago, and being an introvert is a little hesitant to go, however, she decides to go for the party. Everyone is enjoying, having fun, talking to each other and discussing current issues. Rohit, Karan is talking about shares, investments and the market scenario. Shruti joins the conversation. Though she is acutely aware of her lack of knowledge in the subject, she tries her best to keep pace with them. Just then, Karan says, “If you don’t know anything about shares don’t break your head.”
Being an introvert, Shruti felt a little embarrassed. However, Shruti practiced Self-Awareness regularly. Instead of taking offense to Karan’s statement, she reflected on her contribution to the situation and how she could handle it better the next time. If it was not for this moment of reflection and self-awareness, Shruti would most likely either withdraw from their company or hold a grudge against Karan, thereby spoiling the relationship. The reason why Shruti could take it positively is that her Self -awareness manifested at that moment before she jumped to react.
The effects of Self-awareness aren’t momentary, but long term. Shruti also knows that if she comes across the same situation again, she has two options:
1. She can actually choose to upgrade her knowledge.
2. She politely excuses herself from the conversation, since it doesn’t interest her.
Like Shruti, we can all practice self-awareness. Apart from fuelling self-growth, it redeems us from impulsive fight-flight reactions that are known to spell disaster for many a relationship.
Below are certain steps you can implement to develop your self-awareness.
Task One: Who am I?
Self-description, jot down 8-10 bullet points to describe who you are. When you do this you exactly come to know what is happening inside of you, what thoughts are coming every now and then. Afterwards you get an opportunity to correct any negative thoughts. Do it for 3 months consistently to get good results. When you do that continuously you are able to get aware of how you, what you perceive about yourself, slowly you start changing subconsciously and bring positive thoughts in your thinking.
Task Two: Who are you in your peer’s eyes?
Choose a friend you know well and ask him/her to jot down a few bullet points about you. Try to be as honest as possible. This activity is connected with the first one; you need to ask your friend to give you an honest opinion as well as you need to tell the truth. You basically come to know what barriers and obstacles you have within you, are you aware and working on it, keep accountability with your friend. Meet once in 2 weeks to completely notice that you have come out of it. Example-Basically Once I had got a project to work on I was excited I gave all details for all team members, the information was good and valid with facts. Then I noticed that my friends and team members are not so responsive. Later when me and my close friend were sitting together I asked her what happened, something wrong. She said to me information is good but everyone can’t so much relate with facts, I need to look at big picture. I realized and I implemented it
Task Three: Expectations, Perceptions& Assumptions
Reflect on a situation where there is a miscommunication between you and your supervisor. Would you have reacted differently in hindsight? Share and discuss with your peers. This activity needs to be taken initiative because others are not so comfortable talking about their discomforts. When you identify the need to, please go ahead.
Task Four: Self-Disclosure
The ability to let another person know what is real about your thoughts, desires and feelings. Look for opportunities to build good relations with people around by being honest with them, sharing with them about your strength, weakness, helping them also. You can do this when you have any social gatherings, celebration etc.
Developing self-awareness enables you to change your thoughts and interpretations. Doing this allows you to change your emotions. If you can manage your emotions, you can make the changes that you want to your behavior and personality – and that can help you to achieve what you want in your career and in life. Having a clear understanding of your thought and behavior patterns helps you to understand other people. This allows you to empathize, which facilitates better personal and professional relations
My name is Vidhi Sampat. My desire is to be an achiever, look upward in all areas of life. I want to shine and success in what I choose. While writing the blog for self-awareness I just thought that if anyone wants to be happy and live a fulfilling life he needs to know himself first. We may pretend in our society to look good but at some point in time we need to be true to our self that is by being honest with yourself.
Active listening is the most important aspect of effective communication. In today’s high-tech and high-speed world, we often ignore the ‘listening’ part of communication. That is mainly because we are not mindful. Active listening is, honestly, a skill. It has to be developed and practised until you get a hang of it and it starts coming naturally to you. The following is a list of benefits that come from practising the art of active listening:
- It makes the speaker heard and understood.
- It helps to build stronger relationships.
- It also helps to build deeper connections.
A good listener creates a such a comfortable workplace environment that everyone feels safe to express ideas, opinions and feelings. Good listeners can creatively solve problems and they save time, avoid conflicts and misunderstandings.
4 effective ways to enhance Active Listening are:
1. Keep complete Focus on the Speaker.
Give complete attention to the speaker, observe their body language, verbal and most importantly their non-verbal queues. Make sure that you do not distract yourself by on checking on to your cell phone or talking to a third person or simply drifting away.
2. Avoid Interrupting the Speaker.
We speak about 125 – 150 words per minute and our brain can comprehend around 600 words per minute. It is safe to say that our minds are under-utilized while listening to others. We often digress or go off the topic or jump into conclusions or are hit by boredom which might break the conversation.
Here are the 3 ways to stop interruptive behaviour:
(a) Close your mouth while listening: Keeping you mouth open might give out a wrong signal to the other person, he may interpret as you trying to counter-attack him or that you are feeling bored. A good way to cope with this is to keep your mouth closed.
(b) Take Notes: This technique is a highly effective one as you’ll end up noting down a few important points which will help further in reflecting.
(c) Change your Focus from Talking to Listening: Listen more than you talk. This will have a drastic impact on your habit of interrupting.
3. Avoid Quick Judgement.
It is not necessary that you always and 100% agree with the speaker.Instead of cutting to the chase and dismissing the point of view completely, you can try acknowledging and giving it a good amount attention which will definitely lead to a profound connection.
4. Show your Interest -:
You need to genuinely look interested like nod occasionally, smile at the person talking. Furthermake sure that your posture is open and inviting and use smooth verbal comments like, ‘yes’,’right’, ‘really’.
you need to note that the more you practice it , the more satisfying and rewarding it is.
I would like to throw some light on the barriers of active listening as well.
- External Distractions:
Distractions like the ringing of the cell phone ringing or vibrating or continuous checking of social media while listening to the speaker is a signal of ignorance and shows that you just don’t care about his or her opinion.
- Being internally preoccupied:
A preoccupied mind is as dangerous as pseudo listening. A million thoughts could be running through your mind which could make you miss out on important details.
- Being too focused on details:
Develop an attitude of looking at the big picture and try listening to the overall message. That does not go to say that details aren’t important, but to be caught onto in-consequent details may ruin the essence of the conversation.
- Monotony of the the topic -:
Sometimes, the topic of discussion can be very dry and monotonous. It can make you want to walk away from the conversation but being at such times is advisable. You never know, you might end up liking the topic at hand.
- Rebuttal Tendency -:
Instead of being a competitive listener, try being sympathetic and wait for your turn to speak.
Onkar a passionate and a living optimist who always sees disappointments as an opportunity, challenges as an adventure and who believes that “winning is about coming out right and not coming out on top” would like to throw light upon how active listening has helped him in his journey so far.
What is truth? Is there any truth? Well, all I can vouch for is that there is no truth there is only perception, your perception, my perception the third person’s perception. But what is perception? Perception is how we see things, our view of the world.
I remember about 6 months ago I went for an eye checkup and the doctor put my face in a machine and changed lenses to see which one was better. There were so many variations, so many lenses, sharper or blurrier and in just about one minute my view of the world changed ‘8 times!’ That’s when I realized how everyone sees their lives through different lenses, different perspectives – each perceiving things in ways that best suit them.
Let’s take a look at the factors influencing perception. Amongst the various factors, our perceptions are largely influenced by our interests, experience, expectations, values and beliefs that are inculcated in us by our families
To help understand the influencing factors better, here are some examples:
Interests: I like presenting myself well in terms of outfits therefore my perception on how much I should spend on outfits is often different from others.
Values: one of my core values is honesty if I observe a person being dishonest my perception about that person and my attitude towards that person won’t be positive.
Beliefs: I believe that the better looking the food, the tastier it will be. Due to this belief a perception is automatically formed is that restaurants that present their food well must have tastier food than the restaurants who don’t.
Expectations: Our expectations, also play a role on our perception, once you expect something from a person and they live up to that expectation you perceive that person very favorably and may always perceive the person positively (halo effect), similarly if a person doesn’t live up to the expectation your perception about that person may not be favorable. This can apply to oneself as well.
Experience: once I had a bad experience when I tried a particular cocktail, after which, I have always perceived that particular cocktail as bad and therefore have formed a negative attitude towards it.
Our attitudes are our favorable or unfavorable opinions towards people, things or situations. Many things affect our attitude including our perceptions, values and beliefs, which in turn, shape our personality. My attitude towards boxing was initially negative, because I viewed it from the same lens as my mother, who disliked boxing. My attitude however, changed when I gained more knowledge and experience about it. Therefore, our attitudes can change despite long held beliefs, when we gain more knowledge and expand our world view..
Perceptions hold a lot of power because these perceptions shaped by our values and beliefs, further translate into attitudes, which in turn shape our personality. Our personality is defined as a set of traits that can predict and explain an individual’s behavior (be it habitual or not) and emotional patterns in a variety of instances and situations. It is a set of characteristics that reflect the way we think or act in a situation.
Personalities can be shaped because of our biological factors as well as the environmental factors. Sometimes others perceptions of us also form our personalities, people may have a perception of you that you are very outgoing and fun which starts showing in our behavior, which in turn changes your belief about yourself and your behavior towards others also becomes very outgoing and it goes on cyclically. This phenomenon is also known as the Pygmalion effect or more commonly known as ‘self-fulfilling prophecy’.
Our personalities are the reasons for the way we interact with others, if used it wisely at the right time it can open doors with tremendous opportunities for you, help you build relationships. Our perceptions also play a role in forming our personalities, because we perceive things a particular way (due to our values, beliefs, experiences) our attitude towards those things also changes and when attitude persists for a longing period of time it becomes a part of our personality without us even realizing it. It comes in our behavior subconsciously and it takes a very deep level of reflection, understanding and self-awareness to understand as to why we are the way we are and why we behave the way we do.
Our behavior, a direct reflection of our personality and its influences, is vital to forming and sustaining human relations. If human relations is the tree that bears fruits then our personality, attitudes, perceptions, values and beliefs are the roots, soil, sunlight, air and water that helps the tree grow and sustain itself in the forest/ garden (being the organization or a social setting). Once we understand more about ourselves and thereby our personalities we can make the desired changes we want which are beneficial for our personal wellbeing, our prosperity and of those around us.
My name, Riddhi Salla, got an elastic heart with the tastebuds of a food enthusiast, the mind of a corporate strategist and the soul of an altruist. I have a humongous deal of interest in the way our minds function and how each one of us thinks differently.
“Respect is Love in action”
“Respect other people’s feelings, even if it does not mean anything to you, it could mean everything to them.”
We have heard many quotes like these at some point of time in our lives, but have we actually made an effort to know what it means to you?
Let’s see what Google has to say about the word RESPECT: a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements OR admire (someone or something) deeply, as a result of their abilities, qualities, or achievements.
Does this give you any clarity in feeling or seeing what respect is in your mind?
What is respect for you? Have you ever asked this question to yourself? Respect is such a profound term that it cannot be restricted or bound by a few definitions taken from Google or Oxford dictionary. It is what you feel and express through your gestures for someone such as letting your female friend talk about her likes and dislikes of the type of make up or it could be listening to your male friend speak endlessly about how Ronaldo swings the football.
My definition of respect might differ from what Google has to explain. For me the intensity of respect is driven by the type of relationship I have with the person and how much I am willing to accept them as they are and giving them a space to be their own true authentic self without attributing or labelling their behavior. It is the level of admiration, and fear that makes it more deeply rooted in me for a particular person.
Here I’ll tell you all my example of how respect differs for me, the two most important people in my life are my dad and my teacher. I respect and love both of them immensely, the only difference is I fear my dad because there is a responsibility that lies with me which has to be kept intact, and with my teacher it is the shear open communication and understanding that puts a thought in my mind “even if I do something wrong she will not judge me, instead she will empathize and understand me”, this mindset has given me a freedom of committing mistakes and then asking for forgiveness which led me into various forms of guilt, realization, and learning.
The value respect holds in our life is far deeper and crucial than we can ever realize, but as we say it’s never too late to understand and communicate.
Large number of people have one of their terminal value (the basic driver of their behavior) as Respect (including myself), that motivates them to refrain from situations where their respect is at stake and leads them towards placess where their values are respected.
“Maybe it’s not about knowing it all, it’s about diving into the unknown and experiencing it yourself”
I am Poorva Bhatia and this sentence explains my entire being, because I am a person who would want to learn by going through the experience, implement it and let the Lotus of wisdom blossom in form of my Inner Transformation.
Never give up! Let Go! Please Understand. Acceptance is the way!
People keep saying that every now and then, especially the ones who have gained their strength over time by going through thick and thin. Obviously, it’s easier said than done.
Implementation of such factors requires the mental and emotional strength of Vibranium (That’s Unbreakable metal in Marvel Cinematic Universe. If you follow Avengers, you’ll know.)
What those strong people don’t know is that they have overcome those factors and now they might have the endurance towards such scenarios, but people who are still suffering from mental trauma, inferiority, low self-esteem, broken confidence, not feeling accepted by their close ones and many more reasons, these people are still vulnerable and what they need is little more care and time to mend their broken hearts and confidence.
I understand that everyone has their own life goals, priorities and etc., so they might not have enough time even for themselves. What I am requesting from the strong ones is that, as a human being it is also our responsibility to give little time and support to the ones in need, because when we were suffering someone had given their shoulder to cry on, who had given help to lift you up and come out of the suffering and even when no one was there for you, Don’t let anyone else feel the pain of not being supported. Because we are here for higher purposes, to lift up people and make a better society to live in for future generations.
I am asking you to BE THERE for them! Even if it’s for two minutes, call them, text them, make your presence felt in their life, make them realize that they are not alone in this, it may be your ex-husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, best friend, colleague, roommate, classmate, teacher, neighbor or anyone who genuinely needs help. They might be irritating or clingy or wants attention, we need to understand that this is their behavior not that person and a person is different from their behavior! Please always know that humans and their behavior in various situations are just a product of their emotional fluctuations.
Even if they have caused you suffering, don’t find reasons to get back at them, they are also humans and they deserve forgiveness too. What you should do is YOU FORGIVE them, DO GOOD for them because YOU are a GOOD PERSON and in the end it’s what you GIVE is more important than what you can take.
Being there for someone will not only give the other person a feeling of comfort, but it will give you a warmth that you might not have felt while expecting certain things in return instead of giving. It is always the feeling that remains with you in your unconscious mind, the warmth you had felt by someone’s presence, the feeling of being heard and taken care of.
The time when I understood the power of merely being there and giving the other person a safe space to be who they are, to express what they feel is the time I understood that this is the easiest thing a person can do for someone. Many time people say that we all are connected with one thread of humanity that leads us to the unity and harmony with each other. It is the pure intention of care that has power of making your presence count and felt. Things may or may not be in your favor always, but what will be in your favor are the good deeds you took initiatives and completed them successfully.
My experience has taught me that it is not only the downfall that teaches you to rise above your ground, but when you lift others selflessly you lift yourself up with them. Love, care, respect, trust, motivation are the things that come back to you in unexpected ways, hence people say what goes around comes around!
Never ever, let your own insecurities build a wall around you, let your guards down, be vulnerable, show them that it is okay to be vulnerable, communicate openly, support each other, remember details, learn to respect and give them the space to be vulnerable, express that you are there for them and you will be there for them, be the backbone of Vibranium for them that you have never been, but most importantly BE THERE, for them.
At one point of time you may feel that it’s not working, or helping them, but we never know what a simple call can do for them.
One of my friends was suffering from severe depression, all I wanted to do is help that person to come out of it although I did not know how to do it. That time all I did is I gave my time and care to that person, and it worked! It made that person feel heard, and the fact that someone is there and cares for them has given them power to continue with struggles of life.
In the end all I want to say is ‘DON’T GIVE UP ON THEM’ even if they are the ones who gave up on you, because sometimes WE HAVE TO BE THE BIGGER PERSON WITH A BIGGER HEART.
“Maybe it’s not about knowing it all, it’s about diving into the unknown and experiencing it yourself”
I am Poorva Bhatia and this sentence explains my entire being, because I am a person who would want to learn by going through the experience, implement it and let the Lotus of wisdom blossom in form of my Inner Transformation.
So much has already been written about forgiveness. All our religious texts emphasize on forgiveness and its importance. Then why is that very few people are actually able to forgive? What holds us from forgiving others? Why should we forgive when it seems so hard?
Most of us have had a story about how we were wronged, hurt, cheated, abused or betrayed. Few years ago, I had a group of friends, we had been as thick as thieves for years. One misunderstanding – and they stopped talking to me, left me all alone, just by myself. Well, this really wasn’t the idea about how I would have wanted to spend the last year of my school – spending all of my breaks, sitting all by myself. I was filled with anger, hatred, hurt and embarrassment and forgiveness was really the last thing on my mind. Even when others told me to forgive them, I asked myself – Why should I forgive them?
After all, forgiving them meant betraying myself. After everything that they had put me through, forgiving them would mean that I didn’t care about myself enough to stand up against what they did to me. Forgiving them meant that I was weak and they were stronger. Forgiving them meant that I had to forget everything that I went through. Memories are real and strong, especially when they are painful. Erasing what had happened was impossible for me. Moreover, why should I ever forgive them, when they hadn’t even bothered to apologize. Forgiveness requires the other person, doesn’t it? An apology is the precedent of forgiveness.
All of these incorrect beliefs that I had, harmed my relationship with my friends, making it beyond repair. It affected my other relationships, too. I often lashed out at my family and was unable to trust people around me, but the worst of it was that it affected my relationship with my own self. I was holding so much against them that my entire focus was on being a victim. I secretly wished that some time in life, they would feel the way I had. The constant turmoil hampered my mental peace.
It was shortly after this, that I decided to seek help for this and other related issues.
Over a period of few months, I opened up to my mother who showed me the path of spirituality. She made me realize that to ‘err is human’. Just like the way my family had forgiven me every time I had lashed out at them (and for several other things I had done in the past), I needed to forgive others too. Articles, books, audios and quotes were my companions, my source of inspiration to turn to a new leaf. Reading Lord Buddha’s teachings made me realize that holding on to anger was like grasping a piece of hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; I was the one who was getting burnt. I read about how Lord Mahavira forgave the serpent that bit Him. Sri Sri Ravishankar made me aware of the fact that the highest form of forgiveness is to realize that the other committed a mistake out of ignorance and having a sense of compassion for them. Forgiving others with a sense of compassion is the best form of forgiveness.
I had the opportunity to go for self-help workshops. It was a roller coaster ride. It gave me a chance to get rid of the vengeance and bitterness that I had filled myself with. I got a new and changed perspective to the situation – I put myself in the shoes of the people who hurt me, understood what I felt and took responsibility for my feelings.
Forgiving them, would become a gift that I would give my own self. A gift that would set me free from the past, the hurt and the anger. A gift that would put me back, in control of my own life. A gift that would actually empower me. The act of forgiveness had to take place in my own mind. It really had nothing to do with the other person. The reality of true forgiveness sets oneself free from the pain. It’s simply an act of releasing myself from the negative energy that I had chosen to hold on to. It symbolized letting go. Forgiveness didn’t necessarily mean, what they did to me was right or was justified, but forgiving them did mean that I could finally stop reliving all the trauma that I went through.
On the day of Kshamavali (last day of Paryushan – A Jain festival) I finally let go of everything that I was holding against them, freeing myself from everyting that was me holding back.
Forgiving them was my way of caring for myself – my physical, emotional and spiritual self. Forgiving them was my way to heal and bring peace to myself and to the relationships I had with others. What we often forget is that a simple act of forgiveness can restore all relationships and they can even deepen and thrive, not in spite of what happened in the past but because of it. The act of forgiving strengthens people’s commitment to a healthy relationship and they become more committed to not allowing divisive and hurtful conflicts occur in the future. Forgiveness is that glue that bridges the gaps caused due to miscommunication, difference in perspectives and anger in any relationship. Forgiveness is the cornerstone of human relations.
“Being committed to the practice of forgiveness is key to creating relationships and a life filled with love.”
– Jennifer Twardowski
Niyati Mehta aspires to be a life-time learner and add meaning to one’s and other’s lives. Her passion to understand human behavior makes her want to contribute more to the field of OD, L&D and Psychology. She believes in, ‘ I can I must and I will!’